Vexen Month!
by Comix at the Opera
Summary: It's April! You know what that means? VEXEN TIME! A drabble a day keeps the Chilly Academic away!
1. Chapter 1

Hello, everyone! As you know, it is now April, the fourth month of the year! You know what that means? It's Vexen month! For each day of April, I will have a short, romantic drabble between Vexen and the other members of Orginization XIII, and maybe some others... I don't want to say too much about it, though!

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><p>"Good tidings, friends," said Xemnas.<p>

Vexen groaned. "I'm the only one here."

"Today is a momentous day," Xemnas continued.

Vexen sipped from his glass which was made out of cloth and plexiglass, and promptly spat out the contents. Which is to say he exhaled, for the glass was empty. He made a note to fill it with more tears and science.

"We have chosen a new member to wea-"

Vexen threw his glass at Xemnas. "Every day. Every. DAY. And I thought those damn sluts dancing to that song that isn't even good would drive me nuts!"

"You do know that," Xemnas said, "Two of them are dudes, right?"

"Oh, cry me a river!" Vexen shouted, throwing another glass at Xemnas. "Why do you insist on sitting on your ass all day and try to ruin our non-lives?"

Xemnas, sexily wiping off the liquid cloth off his face, grit his teeth. "Don't ask questions."

"Why don't you ever return my letters? WHY WON'T YOU SAY YES!" Vexen shouted.

"DONASKFUGGINQUESTIONS, YO!" Xemnas shouted in return.

"I think that we should go into that broom closet right over there..." Vexen said, brushing the hair and plexiglass off his blushing face.

"Do we have a broom closet?" Xemnas pondered aloud.

"Don't ask questions," Vexen said, as he reached over to Xemnas and gave him a passionate kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

The classical music began to play as Xigbar began to shoot the cardboard cutouts. Vexen peered into the doorway, intrigued by the ferocious aim of the second member of the Organization.

"Bang!"

A representation of a boy similar to Roxas was shattered instantly by the bright, red energy bullet.

"Pew!"

Mickey Mouse lost his arm.

"Kapow!"

Larxene, Marluxia, and Demyx were blown to smithereens. Vexen applauded at that last display.

"Now let's see those sluts start up their dance club now!" he cheered. Xigbar scratched his head.

"You know, smarty, two of them ar-"

Vexen cheerfully cut him off. "Oh, don't bother! The Superior said the same thing yesterday!"

"As if! You know he doesn't care enough to remember our genders, much less our names," Xigbar said.

"Oh, believe me," said Vexen, "He got a pretty good idea what my gender is yesterday..."

"What are you trying to say?" asked Xigbar, reloading while upside-down.

"I seduced Xemnas last night." Vexen said with pride.

Xigbar coughed up the cloth soda he was drinking. "WHAT?"

"And," continued Vexen, "I had sweet, beautiful-"

"OK, OK! I get it!" shouted xigbar.

"He wasn't that satisfying," Vexen said while twiddling his thumbs, "Perhaps you would do a better job at... shooting something."

Xigbar processed the remark. "As if," he snarled.

Vexen put up a napkin doused in chloroform up to Xigbar's face. He slumped to the ground, unconsious.

"Time for some experimentation..." Vexen said as he removed Number Two's cloak.


	3. Chapter 3

Apologies for the second chapter being posted late. But I did it JUST before midnight, so it still counts!

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><p>Xaldin stood at the edge of a cliff, overlooking the ocean as the waves crashed against the shore like so many clich d similes. The Organization s number three often frequented this cliffside, when the hustle and bustle of the Castle That Never Was became too much to bear. Today had marked the new arrival of Organization XIII s first ever dance club and as such, grew far too nosy for the Whirlwind Lancer s tastes. No, he much preferred the silence; the only sound was that of the wind, whipping his insane dreadlocks about his face.<p>

Oh, and now, the voice of Vexen, "I thought I d find you here."

Xaldin nodded to his colleague, not taking his eyes off the horizon, "You came to get away from those three sluts as well, then?"

Vexen chuckled, ever one to mock the newcomers, "Remember the good old days, when it was just the six of us?"

Laughing from reminiscence, Xaldin added, "When the most obnoxious thing any of us had to worry about was Xigbar?"

"Actually," Vexen silent stepped beside Xaldin now, "I was thinking about the time when [i]Braig[/i] was the most annoying thing."

The dreadlocked nobody nodded some, letting out a sigh, "Those were good days..."

"I remember how you and I would always get into debates as to whether one experiment or another would end in success."

"Indeed. I seem to recall you always had quite the knack for outdoing me there."

The blonde waved it off, "Only because you were so able to keep me on my toes, you clever devil, you. You know what else I remember?"

"What?"

Vexen blushed now, turning away so Xaldin wouldn't see it, "How we'd meet in the garden... that radiant garden and well, you know the rest."

Xaldin raised an eyebrow at that. This was unlike Vexen. Xigbar had told him the strange tale of how Vexen had come up to him, told him he d seduced the Superior, and the next thing the sharpshooter knew, he was waking up and his rear was in severe pain. Xaldin had initially written off the story; Xigbar, after all, was the one who told it. But now...

"I remember how your lips felt against mine," What. "How your tongue tasted," What? "How your -"

"HOLD ON A MOMENT!" shouted Xaldin, arms flinging about wildly, "What are you- we never-!"

"Didn't we?" the blonde shrugged nonchalantly, "Then perhaps we should."

Xaldin was, quite frankly, flabbergasted. "Vexen, what s gotten into you!"

"I don't know about me," the academic turned to face his comrade, a wicked gleam in his eye, "Well, with any luck..." Xaldin winced as the needle entered his throat, "I'll soon be getting into you."

With those words, the Organization s number three fell to his knees, the world beginning to spin around him. The last things he heard before sweet, blissful unconsciousness took him were the rustle of the wind around him and the sound of zippers being undone.

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><p>Special thanks to A Writer of Fiction!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

"Now where did that replica go?" Vexen pondered.

His laboratory's equipment and previous experiments kept getting in his way during his search for his greatest creation. It was crucial that he put the runaway replica under control, or the consequences on the rest of the Organization will surely get him turned into a Dusk, or worse, a Creeper.

"I am here, Creator," said the missing experiment.

Vexen turned around, surprised. "Ah, well," he stammered, "That was simple. What have you been doing for the past few days?"

"Oh, just getting to know the rest of your friends," said the being.

Vexen's left eye squinted as a crooked smile spread on his face. "Yes, that's good. You need to now your superiors so that you may obey them better."

The replica took a step back. "You aren't planning anything, are you? You had a sinister look on your face," it said.

"Oh, that?" said Vexen, "I tried to look friendly. Ah well, it's been so long since an honest smile graced this face."

"Yes," said the replica, making a similar face as Vexen, "What a marvelous face it is..."

"What are you thinking, replica?" asked Vexen.

"Why, I'm just thinking about how I'll seduce each and every one of you," said the Vexen Replica.

"What?" shouted Vexen, shocked by Replivex's absurd plan.

Replivex laughed. "You shouldn't try to stop me, maker! Soon, I'll get my hands on the rest of this little club of yours! Even those sluts!"

Vexen gasped. "No! Not the dance club!"

"Yes..." Replivex said as it overpowered Vexen, "I do fancy the Pink one..."

"Oh no," said Vexen shocked by the pure evil of the replica. As he felt himself being tied up, he let out one last "Oh noooooo!" before being tape-gagged.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexaeus walked into his private chambers after a long day of destroying things with his pure manliness. He wiped several mutilated heartless off of his person as he hung up his axesword in his closet.

He turned to his bed, where the Vexen replica lay, seductively waiting for him.

"What," said Lexaeus, scratching the side of his head.

"Hey there, big guy," said Replivex with a growl in its voice.

With a sigh, Lexaeus began to take off his cloak.

Confused, Replivex asked him, "Aren't you going to struggle?"

"I might as well get this over with, then," Lexaeus said.

Vexen struggled to untie himself in the closet, eager to get away from the horrific spectacle he would soon witness.

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><p>Shortest chapter yet...<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

"So," said Zexion, "What you're telling me is that a clone of yourself is going around having his way with the members of the organization?"

"Yes!" said Vexen (the REAL Vexen), "He's already gotten the first five in order, and I have reason to suspect that you're next!"

"That's preposterous!" Zexion said, picking up his magical tome, "There's no way he'd get me! I'll just make an illusion of myself as a distraction!"

Sighing, Vexen sat on Zexion's couch. "I suppose you're right. But you need to be very careful of him, regardless. With every banged member, he gains their powers!"

"How on Earth does THAT work?" asked Zexion.

"I DON'T KNOW!" screamed Vexen, "All I DO know is that little fact, and that he will perish if he doesn't screw as much people before the end of April!"

"So you want to kill me?" asked Zexion.

"What," said Vexen. The couch started to feel less like a couch and more like a Zexion. "Oh, you clever devil," muttered Vexen as Replivex ran off.

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><p>Plot twists!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Get ready, folks; this is a big chapter.

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><p>"Another mission?" cried Demyx, "But Saaaaiiiix, it's too haaaarrrrrd!"<p>

Saix briefly put on a pair of sunglasses. "Deal with it," he said coldly, and took them back off.

As Demyx departed, Saix sensed a precense similar to Xion's, but with a lower... temperature.

_At least_, thought Saix, _this new replica won't be as much of a filthy whore as the new member_.

That was a low blow, Saix.

_I know_, he thought.

"Saix!" shouted Vexen, "There's a replica on the loose and it has all of our powers! DON'T TRUST ANYONE!"

Saix looked at him as if he had gone mad. Perhaps, thought Saix, this is what happens when one forgets what it's like to have a heart.

"Silence, Number Four," said Saix, "I have missions straight from the Superior, and-"

"The Superior has been mentally recovering from being MANHANDLED," said Vexen. "What missions could possibl-"

"These missions," said Saix, holding up a piece of paper with a series of crudely drawn pictures of electric cords.

"THOSE AREN'T FROM XEMNAS!" bellowed Vexen.

"I'd say that they look like something he'd draw."

Xion walked in. "Hey guys," she said.

Vexen stared at her. "Saix," he whispered, "That is not Xion."

Saix sniffed the air, holding back his gag reflex. "I'd say it's her; she smells like a whore."

The-Xion-who-might-not-be-Xion whimpered. Vexen, sighing, grabbed her and held her in front of Saix. "FINE! Just KILL her!"

Saix, who has no sympathy or compassion, shrugged and summoned his weapon.

"NO, YOU IMBECILE!" screeched Xion. "HE'S TRICKING YOU! I'M THE REAL VEXEN!"

"What," Saix said.

Aqua walked down the strees of Radient Garden, eager to find some decent Central American food for sale. She walked past two boys who were eating ice cream together. She decided to eavesdrop on them so that she might find out info about the Unversed, the boy in the mask, or her two childhood friends.

"Man, Isa," said the red-haired boy, taking a soft bite out of his ice cream, "Wasn't our can opening musical amazing?"

"Yeah," said Isa, reminiscing. Something troubled him, though. "I had this strange idea that I was in a castle a while ago..."

Aqua, deciding that their conversation held nothing meaningful to her, went on her merry way, walking past several vendors who looked less than honest.

"Well," said Lea, "I guess you could say that castle represents the homosexual relationship we have. Now bend over!"

"Uh, OK, I guess..."

"STOP!" said Exdeath. The two boys looked at him. "This isn't right! IT'S UNNATURAL!"

"What is?" asked Isa.

"The fact that Even and or Vexen gets to have a story while mine is still left rotting after a long long time!"

"Hey, don't sweat it, metal man!" said a hooded catgirl. "I'm sure that you'll get your own Shamfiction!"

"What on earth is a Shamfiction?" asked Exdeath.

"Hi, it's Vince with Shamfiction!" said Vince. "You'll be saying wow everytime yo-"

The Spy walked in. "That spy is an enemy!" he said, pointing to Lea. Spy took of his disguise, turning into the REAL Vexen.

"Well, well, well," said Lea. "Looks like you used your hokey-pokey science to break out of my illusions!"

"Your rain of terror ends now, Replica!" shouted Vexen, summoning his shield.

"We'll see about that..." said Lea, rushing toward Vexen.

Even walked onto the scene. After a quick evaluation of the ongoing events, he walked out.

Lea grabbed Vexen as he rushed toward him, and leaped into the air, utilizing Lexaeus's brute strength. "GIGANTIC!" he bellowed.

"What on Earth does that meeeOOOOOOWWWW!" said Vexen as he had his spinal cord broken on the pavement.

"Catperson?" asked Tao.

"Beats me," said Exdeath. "I find that, in situations like this, it is better to not ask any questions!"

Terra leaped into the scene, slashing Lea with his keyblade. "DON'T ASK QUESTIONS, YO!" he shreiked.

Saix began to bang his head into the window. He was unclothed, as was Replivex. "I'm impressed!" the Replica said, turning away from Saix, "You must have a strong will if you can break a powerful illusion like that!"

"Are you kidding me?" said Vexen, dragging himself onto his feet, "That was lazily put together! You can't just go about putting in characters from other universes that no one knows about! It breaks the suspension of disbelief!"

"Then prepare to have your disbelief COME BACK TO SCHOOL!" screeched Replivex. "I have attained the powers of space from Xigbar! I can go wherever I want, even if it's a completely different universe!"

Vexen was tied up on a racing track, about to be blown up by a flying blue shell. He looked up at his clone, who was riding a spherical flight device. "Don't even try to save Saix: it's far too late now!" He flew off, cackling insanely.

Vexen pondered the consequences of the clone's new powers. What will it be able to do once it has conquered the entire Organization?

* * *

><p>Aqua sat down on a bench, trying to ignore the mass chaos caused by the two vanished fighters.<p>

"Oh boy!" said Exdeath, puting some tiles back in place. "I love community service!"

Aqua tried to put together the bizarre crossover that had just recently happened as she bit into her burrito. She was going to have a long day of pondering...

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><p>I really had fun writing this. I think it shows.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, Roxas!" shouted Axel, "You wanna get some sea salt icecream?"

Roxas did not reply, for he was not at the tower.

Replivex, on the other hand, was.

"Hmm, there's that blue haired twerp's friend," wondered the replica. "There's no way that I can top yesterday... Or can I?"

As Axel softly bit into his icecream, Replivex began to pick up the Twilight Town Clock Tower. Everyone in the town fled from the seemingly sentient structure, as it surveyed and slithered through the silly, sepia streets.

"Hmm, there's a strange sort of feeling here," Axel thought aloud. "Maybe it's becase... this tower is... HAUNTED!"

And so Axel went through the inner workings of the tower, searching through every nook and cranny and eventually bumped into some ghosts. He apologised to them and-

"Wait," said Axel. "GHOOOOOOOSTSSSS?"

Then the ghosts began to chase Axel around the tower as increasingly silly music began to play. Replivex grit his teeth while waiting for Axel's adventure to end.

"You idiot!," shouted Vexen from behind the clock's pendulum, "Get out of this tower now!"

Axel, forgetting the fact that malevolent spirits are after his soul, kindly told Vexen to piss off.

"But Axel, THERE'S A CLONE OF ME THAT'S GOING TO RAPE YOU IF YOU DON-"

With a snap of his fingers, Axel said, "Goodbye." Vexen was engulfed in flames, and leapt off the tower with a yelp. Fortunately, he landed in a pool. Unfortunately, it was not filled with water.

Axel, getting bored of waiting for Roxas, stepped out of the tower and noticed Replivex. "Hey, didn't I just set you on fire?"

Grinning, Replivex bopped Axel on the head with the tower, and proceeded to to what he did to everyone else at this point.


	9. Chapter 9

Demyx, after destroying the last of the flying purple hippoes, RTC'd. As soon as he walked back into the lobby, he noticed a completely naked Saix curled up on the floor, mumbling incoherently. He took this as a sign that the next day would be a vacation.

* * *

><p>Roxas turned to Axel when Demyx, Larxene, and Marluxia finished the night's first song.<p>

"Have you heard the rumor going around about Vexen?" asked Roxas.

"Nope," said Axel, nibbling on some icecream. "Frankly, I don't care what that creepy guy does all day. It probably has something with him dissecting dusks in his spare time."

"Nah," said Xion, "The rumor says that he's been... torturing the other members one by one."

"Really," said Axel, unintimidated. "Well, if that creep gets his sciencey paws on me, I'll just burn him."

"You can't just burn him," said Roxas, leaning back against the bean-bag chair.

"Heh, just watch me."

Demyx and his "band" started the next song for the evening.

"I was a fan before they became mainstream," thought Luxord.

* * *

><p>Larxene was acting angry. Demyx didn't like being near her when she was acting angry. "I can't believe this!" she barked.<p>

"What happened now?" asked Marluxia, "Surely Xemnas hasn't returned from hiding?"

"I don't give a crap about zebra-pants-man!" Larxene said, "Didn't you hear? The tower at Twilight Town was destroyed!"

"Surely that doesn't factor into our plans," said Marluxia.

"Well guess who the tower decided to crash on?"

Roxas and Xion were listening outside of the room, eager to hear what happened.

"Don't tell me Roxas perished under it," moaned Marluxia.

Larxene laughed, "It's not as if we need HIM! We lost Axel!"

Roxas and Xion were shocked; how could they just lose their friend in a freak accident like that?

* * *

><p>"Demyx," said Roxas, "I know you really don't like going out on vacations, but can you PLEASE try to find Axel?"<p>

"Ohh, but ever since Saix has been... not feeling well," said Demyx, "I just couldn't help but set up some time to record my new album!"

"If you look for him," said Roxas, "I'll give you some of the rarest items I've found during my missions!"

Demyx moaned. "Fine..." He teleported out to Twighlight Town.

No less than five seconds after Demyx left, Vexen came tumbling out, bruised and burnt.

"Jeez!" shouted Roxas, rushing over to aid Vexen. "Are you allright?"

"Clone... it got him..." rambled Vexen.

"What?"

"I was too late, now it has Axel's power!"

"I don't understand what you're saying," said Roxas. Vexen fiercely grabbed him by the shoulders.

"DEMYX!" he shouted, "WHERE IS HE? DEMIX, PLEASE."

Roxas tried to escape. "He just left to find Axel! Please get away from me!"

Vexen became mortified, and let go of Roxas. "It is too late," he whispered.

* * *

><p>Somewhere out in the deep vastness of space, the voice of Demyx could be slightly heard. "NO WAAAAAAYYYY!" he shouted.<p> 


End file.
